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Apr 23 2016 So You Want to Write a Review, Part II - The Bad ReviewCategory: How To     10:05PM   1

I hope you've found yourself here out of curiosity, and not because you've had a terrible time recently. Truly, deeply, I'm sorry if that's what happened, and you really need this advice. Disappointing appointments can be as inconsequential as a lack of chemistry or so much worse... which sucks, because in those cases  it usually means a few things that I may address in another post. Right now, though, is about how you can write a review that addresses the lack of fireworks in a constructive way for her, a helpful way to prospective clients, and without becoming the perfect piece for the next time 60 Minutes does an expose. In this blog, I'll address the bad to the really bad... and what you can do when you've been let down, or worse.

In the interest of brevity, I'm going to break this down to the very general. I would be happy to answer questions in the comment section below! There are a lot of variables and experiences to be considered :-)

We just didn't click: In cases where you just didn't mesh with a nice lady, ask yourself how much you really want to write a review. A ho-hum review can still help the lady you've met, if only to establish that she is safe to see at the expense of a little of your time. Not everyone is going to experience an electric connection with every single person, and "providing" is a lot like any job in the medical or hospitality industry. Yes, the overall idea is that you're there to accomplish something, but the majority of situations are quite dictated by social cues, and split second decisions on how to handle the interaction. Not only are there the usual culprits of stumbling points, such as inexperience with a particular type of customer, problem, or logistic... there is also the "emotional labor" part of the equation. I'm sure you can tell when someone is just stuttering, vs when someone is blowing you off, and remembering that while writing your review can keep it from spiraling into a harsher tone than you intended. And since good customer service doesn't come from a frazzled and haggled source, I like to err on the side of... if things really did go "well enough" - you didn't get robbed, there wasn't a bait and switch, she attempted to be kind - it really wasn't "that bad" (relatively). Going hard on a girl just because she liked X and you couldn't possibly care less is unnecessary. You can of course mention it, tactfully, but don't make the rest of her day hard for no good reason. 

I say that because... As much as escorts would love to be mind readers, and be able to magically anticipate every move you want her to make (OH! For it to be that easy!), it just isn't so. If you prefer a laid back girl next door and she shows up glammed out and porned up, is that really so bad? If she tried, make sure to make a note of it. If you like a rough touch and she just so happens to be sensitive, that's not something either of you can help.  While you're there, play around with it and see what you can find to have fun with, and mention in your review that she doesn't allow marks, won't let you take pictures, or is a bookworm (though you prefer travel mavens). Note the amount of time you spent together, and whether you think it could have made a difference had it been different (looking at you, Mr. "I can't believe how rushed my 15 minute appointment was"). Mention what the setting was like, and try to point out anything that you did happen to enjoy. Was her hair soft, were her legs smooth? Did she have a nice laugh? A diplomatic approach means that the post doesn't have to be "bad" if you personally wouldn't repeat. Just because she's not your favorite doesn't mean she's not someone else's fantasy! ;-) If you simply must  mention that you two didn't have any chemistry because the session seemed downright mechanical, a simple "Nice girl, we just weren't a good fit for each other once we got together in person. You may have more fun than I did" is enough. If she rolls her eyes right in your face... that's blatant disrespect, and eventually enough people will say "she didn't seem happy to be with me" that the point will become clear without you going down guns-a-blazin and risking backlash from she or her fans.

There were some... variations from the ad. Let's say... her pics are 10 years old, and there's no way for either of you to pretend that they aren't. Did she look good for her age? "Her pics aren't quite as up to date as she has stayed over the years. They're close, but don't hold a candle to the lady she is today". Did she look bad for her age? You may want to go with a more conservative "She is the woman in the photos, though she hasn't updated them in a while. My best guess is X age". And DON'T be ridiculous about it. If she looks like a normal fifty year old woman, don't say she looks seventy because you're used to twenty year olds. This actually happens a lot, and it's a shame! Because it misrepresents everybody. She as a hag, you as an ass ;-p 

And what if she's not a tiny little thing? Did she look like the photos? You don't need to mention her weight other than to say that her portfolio is accurate. If you love the feeling of a little cushion for the pushin', then say she's "plush", "curvy", or some other cutesie word that describes your love for a womanly figure without falling into a derogatory or even misleading territory. For example... If she's 20 pounds overweight in her photos and matches that in person, and you say she's 20 pounds overweight in your review, it's going to read as if she's 20 pounds heavier than her pictures. Two VERY different things, huh? Sometimes... things make sense when you're reading because you've done the writing. Double check to make sure that someone who wasn't there won't be confused by your attempts to be complimentary or honest. Of course, if she was significantly bigger than her pictures, mention it as tactfully as you would anything else - "I did not expect to find as much woman behind the door as I did". I would avoid putting any numbers on her weight, honestly. Women hold body weight in different ways, and many men don't seem to have an accurate idea of what a "big" woman is (there was recently a post on a discussion board proclaiming a height and weight combination that was borderline underweight according to the BMI scale was "too fat to provide". And he wouldn't budge, even in the face of information. Even if you know what you're looking at, assume he doesn't.) The important thing is that you don't mistakenly misrepresent her, and don't degrade her as a person simply for being one if there's something important enough to be addressed.

The same goes for if you run into a situation where her incall isn't quite what you expected. Cut and dry things such as "Apartment was hard to find", "Parking was limited", "It was busy, but not with busy people", "I think she'd had a few friends over before I got there" will get your point across without offending the lady you visited or disproportionately hurting her business. Most websites won't allow references to drug use, but if (and I hope she wasn't) she seems to be on something, you can mention it in a roundabout way to avoid censorship. "She must have had a ton of Red Bull...", "Nice hotel, shame there was a skunk in the room.", "She fell asleep mid beej" will all do. I cannot emphasize enough the gravity of this kind of accusation, though. I am aware that some women will prepare in ways that are a little less fun for you, but this is a huge misconception about providers, and it will piss ALL of us off if you accuse her of being a junky just because you asked her to get up for a 6am appointment when she got in at midnight the night before and is therefore understandably a wee bit sleepy. I know girls who do drugs to do this... you'll know, too. Don't say it's so if you're not sure.

The main point here is that "Holy crap dude, this leather faced old broad hadn't cleaned her apartment in the worst part of town in YEARS!" is not the way to go. Firstly, while you may feel like you are informing the guys, you're really just being mean. Secondly, what can this hypothetical woman take away from this? Besides knowing she needs to vacuum more, it's not exactly going to help her fix anything for the next time someone comes around. Using a little tact can do more than keep the lady in question from getting angry with you. It can help her give better service in the future, and even if you didn't have a great time, someone else may like the sound of her mojo. I realize that a big part of reviewing is the ability to "warn a brother", but if she hasn't truly ripped you off, even an "I won't return" review from you doesn't have to seem overly negative.

Charlotte, it was bad. Real bad. While I have thankfully never met a girl who didn't realize it was a thousand times easier to do this the right way, there ARE some women that you need to watch out for. Every once in a while, the usual tactics to avoid bad eggs (professional web presence, a good reputation within the community, frequent picture updates, rambling about how much they care....) will fail you. And when you're not used to that (again, I assume you've always had good taste), it brings a whole new level of "what the fuck?" to the equation. I mean... what do you even do about someone who robs you while you're in a bit of a legal limbo? Now, the general consensus is that women who rob, bait and switch, extort, or blackmail clients don't care enough about reviews for one to matter. And that may be true, if all you're thinking about are her feelings on the matter. But I am of the camp that believes that once she has clearly demonstrated she has no interest in even remotely providing a good experience - so much so that she goes out of her way to harm you - a review becomes a "pay it forward" situation.

I'm fairly conservative, and even if you didn't give her your full legal name, you may want to be, too. Who knows if she saw your license plate or had someone taking pictures of you? You guys aren't the sole source of whackadoos here. Because of this, I would recommend reviewing under a different username. One that isn't connected to anything that you used to contact her, so that she can't find you and cause you more trouble. It's unlikely that she'll even bother checking her reviews if she knows she's operating specifically to get bad ones, but even if she does contact the review website and try to call it "fake", you will at least have the correspondence between you two to prove you met, and a "handle" that she won't recognize if she feels like something besides an "I am so, so terribly sorry, let me make it up to you" email is the way she should deal with it. 

A lot of reviews written as warnings aren't very helpful, beyond a "bitch ripped me off" standpoint. I get it, the reviewer is mad, he's hurt, and he's hopefully never experienced anything like this before. But, a state of shock shouldn't limit the information you give. Describing how she got you to the point of robbing you is important for helping other people recognize when they're walking into a trap as well. Include all of the contact information you have for her - phone, email, website, and advertisement - so that other people can easily find your report while doing their own research. If possible, adding her pictures to the review can also help people recognize her if she tries to change her name or contact information to trick someone else. This is the only time that I think a physical description that reveals her tattoos is appropriate. If she has "Karen" scrawled across her chest, knowing that can prevent others from accidentally visiting her after a change in marketing. Using fake pictures, also known as a bait-and-switch, should warrant an extensive physical description, since you can't rely on images to tell the story for you. 


While it is certainly much more likely that you'll find yourself walking across the threshold and towards a beautiful woman's outstretched arms, I hope this can help you in the off chance that your research failed you. Is it Kind? Is it Helpful? Does it Need to be said? They're good anytime questions, and especially important when writing something that has the potential to impact another persons ability to survive. Don't treat those you simply didn't click with the same as someone who's ripped you off, and for those who have given you the world, do the same. 




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NYGentleman said on 05-02-2016 at 4:57 am:
This is great guidance for a touchy subject. I actually STOPPED reviewing when my "9" rating apparently offended a young lady who thought she deserved a "10" and let me know it. Though I'd always considered the few reviews I submitted to be fair, genuine and appropriately complimentary, that was the icing on my "If-You-Can't-Say-Something-Nice-Don't-Say-Anything-At-All" cake.